Grandma jokes
Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana. BORNANA.
Eating pork rinds, sword fightin' in pajamas at the crib playin' Fortnite with your grandma.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD