Grandma jokes

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?

A: A few weeks.

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."

Nah, it's a penis.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.

She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching? A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"

"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"

They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"

"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

Yo momma so ugly, your grandma wanted to name her Abomination, but the registries agent changed it.

My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?