Grandma jokes
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.
POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.