Grandma

Grandma Jokes

Momma

Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.

Word

What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?

"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"

Knee

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

Funeral

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Graveyard

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Sex

What do sex and food have in common?

Grandma makes both better.

Race

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Onion

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Emo

Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?

She thought her grandma was trying to flex.

People

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

Daughter

What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!

Heart

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Mama

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

Hell

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Smurf

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

Cord

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

Funeral

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.