I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathise with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes...? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
Why do nuns not wear bra's? God supports everything.
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
[god creating spiders] God: ok what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"oh my God, you're such a beach"
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then “WHOA-MAN!!”
Women treat me like a god They ignore me till they need something
doctors in the middle ages, Plague doctor: "i must have some herbs to block out bad air" docters now: "God, wtf were we doing back then"
Beautiful people should read this quote: “God gave you beauty but not brains.”
I thought god didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real
[god creating a jellyfish] God: how about an evil bag
Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
