Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?”, he said
“It’s because God made you special.”, she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
Oops, I made a mistake.
If were all gods children.. whats so special about jesus?
Knock Knock, who's there? god. god who? NO you idiot there is no god, I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself and his friend says "Find jesus instead he'll help you!" and than the man says "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist".
I think God is cool with abortion
After all, he did kill his only son
A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Why did God create women before men? He didn’t want any advice on how to do it
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion
One day there were two muffins in an oven, one of the muffins said, "man its hot in here." The other one said "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
God: you're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: douvle it and give it to the next person
And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
jesus and satan are just basically homer and flanders. one tries to help the other, only for satan to just say "shut up".
God:(creating elephants) Make it big Angel:How big? God:As big as my d- Angel: Whoa God:Fine 10 feet tall Angel: That's big bu- God: Put a long thing on it's face
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet
There is no god. None not one.
Im treated like god when im home, im usually ignored until someone wants something.
