God Jokes


I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you’re the reason God created miscarriages!


roses are red, voilets are blue, god made me pretty, what happened to you?



Why do nuns not wear bra's? God supports everything.


The Messenger

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."

The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"


Lovely perv

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real


12 year old kid in french class

when you suffer from deppresion and some tells you to just cheer up god damn why didnt i think of that

Little Johnny


little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples


Uh six teachers are annoying. Thank god I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.



a man walks into a bar he see's a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer, he gets on his hands and knees and prays to god out loud, the bar tender says, why are you praying? He says, because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand.



pepole in 1912: titanic is unstopable even god coudlnt sink this ship. god: bet where is my icebergs


That one orphan that has orphan jokes

I saw a kid crying i asked him whats wrong,where are your parents. They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.



Orphan. Where are my parents

God.New York City

Orphan. But they use to live in China


Addison Banks age (8)

CAN WE PLEASE STOP THE FRICKING DRAMA! I see people bullying other people too, Gwen is not the only one. For god sake just do jokes, if you want to bully some one do it in your family! You people don't even know each other but were still doing this stupid NONSENSE! JUST MAKE JOKES PEOPLE! That is why it's called "Worst JOKES ever" not "Bully people EVER" SO SHUT UP AND GET A LIFE DUM DUMS! Geez! The only reason why I come here is to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread HATE AND FOOLISHNESS FROM PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW BETTER THINGS TO DO BUT TO HATE ON STUPID STRANGERS FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE FRICKING WORLD!!!! "Addison shut up your only 8 years old. What do you know.?" I might be 8 but at least I got some sense, and plus I'm way smarter than you guys anyway. I'm in alert. You know like a very, very, very, intelligent kid! That can spell instead of saying "u" I say the true say you instead of "pls" it's "please." Sorry if I did meant it...which I don't!



A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."




Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.




I took my mother-in-law out yesterday God being a sniper is so fun



Me playing a game........ what did God just stop our hearts cause didn't kill everybody



What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?


They're both imaginary.


Kinetic Johnston



make something up!

Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: *gasps* whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off... Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn't exciting, make something up!