God's racist. He separated light from dark.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
Why did God make pigs before politicians?
He just needed some practice.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
