God Jokes

god, I love telling children there parents love them but only on April fools, their orphans after all

God:who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven Hitler:👌👌👌👌 God:😩😩😩😩

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me? He didn't give me any. I was made by the devil.

Yep this happens when u play g.t.a good god

Why is Jesus in pieces? Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.

God my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

god sent to the principles office for giving a blind kid sun glasses and said dont let the sun damage your eyes.

When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage

why do orphans pray to God.

so they have someone to call father

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.

“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."