Why did God create women before men? He didn’t want any advice on how to do it
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them saying "God will surely save me."
The medical team tries to help him but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B**** I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
God:(creating elephants) Make it big Angel:How big? God:As big as my d- Angel: Whoa God:Fine 10 feet tall Angel: That's big bu- God: Put a long thing on it's face
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: *gasps* whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off... Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn't exciting, make something up!
If I was God my parents would be anethesists.
God: i feel like i'm forgetting something....... oh no Earth *sees it on fire* oh it's fine People of Earth: *running and screaming* Santen: *to God* realy
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Adam and Eve are wondering wether they are black or white. Eve says why dont you go and ask god. So Adam goes into the garden of eden and shouts out to god are we black or white? A big booming voice bellows out YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE. He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. How do you know asks Eve. Because he said you are what you are Adam replied. Why does that mean we are white? asked Eve. Because if we were black he would have said You is what you is.
It squrted in my eye god dammit
What did god say to the black person Oops I burned one😳
Not racist just funny
a man walks into a bar he see's a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer, he gets on his hands and knees and prays to god out loud, the bar tender says, why are you praying? He says, because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
[god creating the parrot] OK HOW ABOUT A TYEDYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
Orphan. Where are my parents
God.New York City
Orphan. But they use to live in China
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday God being a sniper is so fun
Me: Hey god are you there" it's me Michael "god":*SILENCE* Me: If any gods exist they better say or do something this instant. "god": *SILENCE*
God when terminally ill children beg him to heal them
God: No, I don’t want to
