Go jokes

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.

He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.

What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?

A bullet.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

Priest, "How so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

Then Matt walks out the door.

Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

What kind of star would go to jail?

A shooting star!

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.