Go jokes

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?

Early access.

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Where do people with no legs go to have fun?

Legnoland.

Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?

Their parents never say yes.

Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.