When the speedbump in a school zone screams so you go faster
I don't get this why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"
why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms ~ knock knock who's there? not sally ~ what first went through sally's head when the nazis came? a bullet ~ where did sally go when the bomb exploded? everywhere ~ what did sally get for christmas? a bike
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.
what was the last thing to go through Jfk's mind? A Bullet
Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
I know a good airplane joke but it would probably go over your heads. The twin towers: no it won't.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor- Me: Lower lips Friend: I gotta go
I once heard my dad shout I'm going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible! I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my date 😡
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea but it’s dead in the water
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public? Gotta Go Fast
