Go jokes

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

How's it going @#$!

An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.

Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

"Where do young trees go to learn?"

"Elementree school."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

What bathroom does a trumpet go to?

The brass room...

Guy 1: How far are we going?

Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.