
Go jokes
People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.
I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed that I only had a crock pot.😅
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
Slavery has existed in the western world for 3 centuries, but in the Arab regions it has existed before and is still going on, so why don’t people talk about it?
Because it’s only bad when white people do it.
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?
Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.
