Girlfriend jokes
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
I saw my girlfriend walking by. I told her, "Wow, you look so beautiful!" and then we started to talk. Then someone came behind me. She said, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm flirting," and I remember I was talking to my mom, and my girlfriend was HER MOM, which is my sister, but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE, but my mom is my wife too. Looks like I'm getting a divorced but which one, my girlfriend [or] my mom?
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"