Girlfriend jokes

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."

A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."