Girlfriend jokes
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Roblox jokes on this page in a nutshell: something about Roblox girlfriends, and "Add me on Roblox. My name is Sonicboy100299easyarsenaltowerofhellproxdlol."
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.