Girlfriend jokes

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!