Girlfriend jokes
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
"Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Abby."
"Abby who?""Your Mexican girlfriend."
Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.