A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see-through clothes.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."
