Girlfriend jokes

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Why did the toad cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Malaysian Airlines Flight 303!

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.