Girlfriend Jokes

girlfriend: you remind me of a cell phone

girlfriend's ex: why?

Girlfriend: because your about to die

I was making holy water and my girlfriend walked in saying what are you doing and I said making holy water and she said how are you making holy water I'm boiling the h#ll out of it

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination)

my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what's that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon

Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, "PEDOPHILE! THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD."

I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material

Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you

Knock knock who there Abby Abby who.your Mexican girlfriend.

What’s the different’s a girlfriend and a train the train will touch me

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up

My girl friend is like toys r us. She does no exist .

What did the canible do after he dumped his girlfriend Wiped his ass

one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran.

two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said "No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down then he and his girlfriend ran."