Girlfriend jokes

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.

Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶