Girlfriend jokes

I have a girlfriend.

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

A nickname to call your short GF:

Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.