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Roses are red, chocolate is brown,

I expect nothing and still get let down!

So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.

It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?

Hi.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?

Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!

Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.

Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.

Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait

Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

Why did the emo kid get mad?

I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.