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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

'Cause they can’t get home.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What is the difference between a flower and an orphan?

A flower gets picked.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?

Stop imagining!

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

What did one orphan say to the other?

"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"

Does an orphanage have daddy issues?

Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!

What did one orphan say to another?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

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What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.