Get jokes
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
When orphans go to school, they can’t get parent pickup.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Why can't the orphan get the big bag of chips?
Because it's family-size.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
I don't get mitosis.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.