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A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
'Cause they can’t get home.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?
What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
Why do gays get bad grades?
They don't get straight A's.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"