Get jokes
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.