Get jokes
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Why did the rapper get lost in the music?
Because he couldn't find the beat.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.
So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.
The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."
Please, can someone comment on this post to explain what satisfaction you get from joking about such serious issues?
Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”