What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
Yo mamma so fat, when she tried to sit down the chair ran away.
