Furniture jokes
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.
Now ain't that cool?
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Why did the pillow go to court?
Because it had a pillowcase!
Memes
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.