Furniture jokes
What’s a cow’s favorite piece of furniture?
The cowch (couch).
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.
Now ain't that cool?
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-
My buddies think I'm on the lake.
Boss thinks I've been sick for days.
And mama's probably on her way
'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.
I've been a million places,
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Took a trip down memory lane.
Checked into hotel heartbreak.
Passed rock bottom on the way
Without leaving my living room.
I've been a million places
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Yeah
I've been gone.
All the clothes are on the floor
All the mail's by the door
All the whiskey bottles in my bed.
All the dishes in the sink
All the gas is in the tank
All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
Gone
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.