Furniture jokes
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
One time I ate a chair.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?
Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.