Furniture jokes
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!
Yo mama so fat she needs to sit on 2 chairs.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.
Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?
Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.
Drawers!
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.