Furniture jokes
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
What did the booty say to the chair?
"You complete me!"
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
I want a bigger couch.
Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.