Fucking

Fucking jokes

Asshole

    • "Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

    The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."

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    • Children

    • A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

    Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

    Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

    Priest: "Fuck the children."

    Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

    Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

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    • Fucking memes

    Reference

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    • Dad

    • Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

    Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

  • 5

    • Pizza

    • You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?

    Boss: You're fired!

    Me: Ok?

    Worker: Why are you fired?

    Me: Oh, you wanna know...

    *shows him the oven with my pizza*

    Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!

    Worker: OH SHIT!!

    Boss: Did you say pizza?

    Me: I sure did!

    *shows boss pizza in oven*

    Me: This hoe black as fuck!

    Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?

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    • Hive

    • I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

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    • Bastard

    • What's the definition of a bastard?

    Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

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    • Chuck Norris

    • Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

    Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

  • 1

    • Urn

    • Me: "What are you doing??"

    Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

    Me: "I don't know."

    Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

    Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

    Don't bully kids.

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