Friend jokes

What does the ocean do to its friends?

It waves.

(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

Are your forehead and hairline friends? 'Cause they go way back.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.

(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

My friend Harry.

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

My "friend" has dyslexia.

I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.