Friend jokes

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?

They fell apart.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Me: How do cowboys say hello?

Friend: Howdy.

Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.