Friend jokes

Me: How do cowboys say hello?

Friend: Howdy.

Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.

Hey Gwen, how are you? I'm a girl, btw...;)

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

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I'm sorry.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

Who was Goldilocks' best friend?

Goldie.

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.