Friend jokes

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?

Sandy Hook survivor.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

Why are Liverpool not disabled friendly?

They never walk alone.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.