Friend jokes

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

Me: That’s a good WAVE.

Friend: I SEA it.

Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

Friend: I SEA what you did there.

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?

How ISS greets their friend.

"You the BOMB!"

One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.

Me: Hey Jim!

Jim: I'm now a cannibal.

Me: WAIT, JIM! N-

A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!

The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.