Friend jokes

My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂

Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

What is the difference between a tree house for dinner, and dinner with you today after school?

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

Me: That’s a good WAVE.

Friend: I SEA it.

Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

Friend: I SEA what you did there.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!

How ISS greets their friend.

"You the BOMB!"

Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: .....it...

Friend: No

Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!

Friend: Why are you like this?

One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.

Me: Hey Jim!

Jim: I'm now a cannibal.

Me: WAIT, JIM! N-

A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!

The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.

Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."

My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"