Friend

Friend jokes

Boob

    • Get a calculator.

    Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

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    • Pen

    • My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

    We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

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    • Cock

    • A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

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    • Friend memes

    Makeup

    • You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

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    • Salmon

    • Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

    Dick

    • A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

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    • Orangutan

    • Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

    Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

    LOL

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    • Apple

    • Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

    Friend: "I don't know."

    Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

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    • Frog

    • A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

    The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

    Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

    The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

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    • Doctor

    • My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

    As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

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    • Asteroid

    • When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

    98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

    1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

    Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!

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    • Hunter

    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

    The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

    “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

    The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

    There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

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    • Gun

    • What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

    When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

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