Friend jokes

I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.

They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!

It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

Why did the tomato cross the road?

To ketchup with his friends on the other side.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"

Kid: Dad, where are you going?

Dad: To get milk.

TEN YEARS LATER

Kid's friend: Where's your dad?

Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

Rape isn't a joke.

It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.

It's a way of art, and works on anybody!

Like this if you agree.

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.