A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, "how is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?" The 1st friend said, "well you see Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious? the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there's Joe with those 2 assholes."
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch)
(me)I know why u don't have friends. (kid) why? (me) because u can't even figure that out.
When a asteroid is coming to kill us all: 98.9% of the population: OMG WERE ALL GONNA DIE 1% of the population: eh.. I neber had any friends anyway. Alia: ROLL THE INTRO
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
what do a bag of chips and a gun have in common? when you pull either one out in class everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read
me to my friend: i only date suicidal girls my friend: why?? me: because that pussy is limited edition
So there's Fred and Frank, now they've been 2 friends for years, but Fred see he's depressed. Badly. Either way, so F+F are texting each other and here's how is goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge to harshly)
Frank: Yo Fred: hi... Frank: u heard about de competition? Fred: yeah.... Frank: You wanna hang out? Fred: ....... Frank: what? I've got some noose (news) for you Fred: ... I( Frank: fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan tho. We don't wanna be hanging on the end. Fred: *sigh* you know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
I called prank called someone saying SON! ITS ME SON! IM COMING FOR YOU!!! my friend next to me asked who i was calling and I said the orphanage
My frien liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
girl: hey. orphan; hi girl; wanna be friends? orphan: sure girl:ok and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over
are your hair line and forehead old friends because they go way back
Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap
My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?" "Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
What's the worse thing about having a congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Two guys are on the playground one guys says too the other “did you know that Hellen Keller had a play ground in her backyard” the other guy said “no” the first guy says “neither did she
