Friend jokes

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.

I had a good time with friends!

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.