Friend jokes
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."
Little did I know it was just at prison.
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”
I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?
'Cause they can't make it family friendly.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."