Friend jokes
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
when you find out your best friend is gay
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Why can't an orphan be a YouTuber? Because most of the videos are family-friendly.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
Me: Hey Jim!
Jim: I'm now a cannibal.
Me: WAIT, JIM! N-