Friend jokes

Q: Why did the chip run away?

A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.

During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.

Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.

My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.

The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Hi Eric Le!

What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?

Nothing, he had no friends.

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!

What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.