Friend jokes

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

Like and comment if you will be my friend!

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?

Friend: But you're an orphan.

Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!

My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.

Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?

That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

My friend: "Hey, I see a dwarf!"

Me: "Where?"

Friend: "In front of me."

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

Why does Aaron have no friends? Because his spine is weird and he is fat.

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.

Me: Spell "I cup."

My Friend: I see you pee.

Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!

My Friend: Oh hehe O-O

"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"

Welcome to the Friend Zone! It’s lonely here.

"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."

-Mully- This is my mom left!!

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.

Orphan: I don’t have parents.

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.