Friend jokes

My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

Shampoo.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.

My friend: How?

Justin: Justin!

Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.

Me: Nice.

Friend: She got some red on her shirt.

Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.

I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.

Because that's what I want.

What's wrong with my friend?

He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.

A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.

YEEEHAWW!

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"