Friend jokes

My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.

Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

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Which month is the bus? December.

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D

I’m back and have a joke my friend said!

Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.

Person 2: What was it?

Person 1: He went as himself.

Friend: What fly's and cry's?

You: A cloud.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.