Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan
Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends I milk a cow and it took awhile for it to warm up and his brother came over and said we don’t have cows we have Bulls
My best friend ran away with my wife I really miss him
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
my friend; yo stupid me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there
Why couldn’t Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms. Why couldn’t Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms. Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her. Why couldn’t Sally pick up the box? (Friend: Some weird guess) Because she had no arms. Why did sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. (Friend: Who’s there?) Not Sally.
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. “What a cute bunch of cows!” she remarked. “Not a bunch, herd”, her friend replied. “Heard of what?” “Herd of cows.” “Of course I’ve heard of cows.” “No, a cow herd.” “What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!”
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing She had no arms Why couldn’t she get up Because she had no friends.
“It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.”
“She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, “Oh for once you lost some pounds!”
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, “Would you like to hear a joke?” “Sure” he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?’ “I don’t know.” “Because of me you’re both late for your next period.”
Me telling depression and suicide joke in front of my friends. My friends: … oh wait i dont have any, so nothin to worry about here.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t”
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.