Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life
went to my friend’s house f...ed his sister
i hade a fun fenaral / birthday
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he’d had. He started counting but fell asleep.
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest p.... out of all your friends
What’s the worse thing about having a congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?”
Son: “Nah, mostly men.”
Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”
There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Lego figures from his friend but they ran way too.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, “her life.”
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled “DUCK!” then “MOTHERDUCKER!”. Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.
A friend asked me, “Where are you going?”
I answered, “6 feet underground.”
I asked my friend what their serial number was…he said Cheerios
Man, my Muslim friend’s the bomb!
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t”
My best friend ran away with my wife I really miss him
Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.