Friend Jokes

A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her

19. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

My friend while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: You're priceless When we get to the checkout: I'm actually $2.50

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. he said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

my friend committed suicide yesterday...at least he went out with a bang

I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? friend: why? me: they have a history of separating colors

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said you are what you eat. He then proceeded to run away from me.

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely? Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."

So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.