Friend jokes
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?
Because his parents wouldn't let him.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
One time I went to high-five someone. I've been left hanging ever since.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
My "friend" has dyslexia.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.
My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.