The dark side of kid songs: You got a friend in me..you got a friend in me!
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline cuz it goes way back
whats the pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy story *i got a friend in me*
My friend said he saw a blind man I said did he LOOK nice
me: how many letters are in the alphabet? that one friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T
my "friend" has dyslexia
friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! i'll be in court.
so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?
3 guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet and the psycho one says "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have"
The first guy says "Ha! My girlfriend has 6! I'm racked up!" The second guy said "Eh, I am happy with 2 balls" The third guy said "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says "Bro you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?:
My friend saw ur forehead and realised ur gay
My friend said not to look down on me i said i cant bc im shorter then her😭
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now
Orphan: wanna have a sleepover Friend: but your an orphan. Orphan: just wanted a place to sleep tonight
Friend: what are you doing me: putting peanut butter on my balls. Friend hears in the distance, orphans I have food for you
best friend *hold a sign up that says "what gender are you"* Me:uh male?.. best frend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"* Me: you silly goose *silence for like three sec* Me:still male though-
Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
All my friends live in a forest. its called Aokigahara
Therapy -Expensive -Years of hard work -Emotionaly draining -Tough to find
Screaming in the woods -Free -Immediate relief -Scares hunters enough to leave therefore saving innocent animals -Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods
