Friend jokes
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Are your forehead and hairline friends? 'Cause they go way back.
What do you call a friend in space?
Space friend.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
Me: Bro, I don't think the Twin Towers will ever order pizza again.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because when they ordered pepperoni, all they got was plane.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.