Food jokes

I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

Your hairline is so expired, it’s more expired than your milk!

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

Yo mama so stupid, she used a fork to save the milk from the cereal.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

Avocado. Avocado deez nuts!

Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?

When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."

The waiter recommended the rug meal.

She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

What do you call terrible milk?

Udder Bullshit.

Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!

B: Thank you.

A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!

Man, I miss Savor, savor these balls in ya mouth!