Food jokes
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
when your mom finds out you pour milk before cereal
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
"Suck my sugar, honey, it's very sweet and juicy."
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"
The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."
Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"