Food jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What kind of flower do orphans use? Self-raising.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because dad never came home with the milk.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
Memes
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
Yo mama so fat that when she went to KFC, she asked for the bucket on the roof.
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
Which restaurants can an orphan not go to?
A family restaurant.