Food jokes
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Have you heard about the awesome fruit race?
The lettuce was ahead, but the tomato was able to ketchup!
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
I ate all of your mommy's orphans.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
Why did Sally's pizza get cold? Because she has no arms.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.
The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
I don't even like ketchup, so it stays stinky.
Applesauce.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.