Food jokes
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef!
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
Memes
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hang to with a sledge hammer, the other is just a watermelon.
What key opens a banana?
A monkey.
I like chips.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.