Food jokes
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Memes
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Spice
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.