Food jokes
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
What do you call a fast Panera Bread?
Panera Sped.
Who would you choose?
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
Q. What is the Titanic's favorite food?
A. Ice burger.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What goes with chips?
Not your cheese.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why do orphans dip their cookies in water?
Because their dad never came back with milk. Ohhhhhhhh!
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.