What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Food Jokes
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
