Food jokes
What is the difference between artificial vanilla and Marjorie Taylor Greene's children?
Artificial vanilla comes from a beaver's asshole, the children from an asshole's beaver.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
I eat kids.
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
Have you ever heard of emo pizza?
It cuts itself!
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
Why can Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂
Yo mama is so fat when she sees a bus full of white people, she thinks it's a Twinkie, lmao xd.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
Potato.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.