Food jokes
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.