Food jokes
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe... Breathe..."
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
Yo mama so fat she made KFC go bankrupt.