A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
Food Jokes
What's a cannibal's favorite place?
A day care.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.
PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
What's the difference between sand and food? Africans have plenty of sand.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
