Food jokes
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
How do rappers like their steaks?
With lots of SIZZLE!
Thanksgiving
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
What do you call a plate that lies? Dish-onest!
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
Why can't orphans eat a big bag of crisps?
'Cause it's family size...?!
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.