Food jokes
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.