Food jokes
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
What's the traditional food of Black Jews? - Kosher watermelon...
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"