Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
20 likes by just cheese.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
