Food jokes
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
What do you call it when Hitler puts retards in the oven? Baked potatoes.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?